Following the Loss of a Child

 Home For Christmas
 As I listened to the music Play the sweet refrain“I’ll
 be Home For Christmas”My heart  cried out in pain:
“No, you  won’t, you won’t be here!”Your void is everywhere!!

A present unbought, a stocking  unfilled,

A laden table, an empty chair…

Friends arrive, the family gathers,Festive
laughter fills the air,I search the sea of faces

Knowing yours will not be there.
Then in my pain, my dream did fade,The truth
 stood out so clear: We are the  visitors here on earth,

And you are home this year!
 Home with Jesus, Mom and Gram,And we are left behind.

So know that I’ll be home for Christmas, If only in my mind…..
 Lynda Shelhamer

Dancing With God

I feel Your hot breath on my neck.
You are a wild and sometimes terrible lover.
I danced for You when I was a child,
Though I did not know the steps or the rhythm. 

Now Your eyes burn through to the depths of my soul,
Without words inviting me to learn the dance.
I hesitate and You reach for my hand.
Trembling under the strength of Your touch
I begin to move; the steps are surprisingly simple.
I pick up the rhythm and follow Your lead.
“Elementary” I muse.

Then we leave the ballroom …

You skillfully guide me across a graveyard.
The stench is odiferous.
I’m surprised to notice the graves of old lovers.
Lovers You have slain on my behalf.
Drawing You closer I’m taken with
A sudden fear that were You to leave my side
A dead lover would return to haunt me.

Finally I’m getting the rhythm
We dance lithely through a meadow
Strewn with myriads of wildflowers.
The heady scent of the blossoms fills my brain
And my awareness for You fades. 

I twirl in the fragrant breezes.
Blended colors spinning past my eyes.
Suddenly I’m aware
That I am no longer holding Your hand. 

Knowledgeable of the distance
This surrealistic meadow has placed between us,
You gently lead me away. 

Storm clouds clump together.
The skies darken.
A chilling northeast wind hits my face.
The smell of smoke penetrates my nostrils.
Fire is illuminating the sky in the distance. 

The flame appears centered in a dense forest.
My heart races as You glide me into the wood.
A sudden sense of foreboding dread envelops me. 

We move closer to the fire.
Much closer than I am comfortable.
Your grip on me tightens as I cry out,
Seared by a hot flame!
Yet I’ve never felt You so close.
Your presence is more consuming than the fire.
I feel like I know You, as I’ve always wanted to know You.
I am scared and awed. 

Then just as suddenly You’re gone.
And I’m alone in this strange confusing forest.
I panic “I can’t see You! Can You see me?”
My seared flesh aches.
Throwing myself onto the cold ground
I long for the meadow with its heady scent. 

Out of the blackness I feel Your hand
Lifting me from my cowering position.
We resume The Dance.
You maneuver me across a field.
A valiant battle is being fought.
I whisper, “This is insane! We should be fighting!” 

You stare intently into my eyes.
“Dance with Me now
And you’ll be better prepared
For the battle later.” 

I wonder at the fascination You have with me.
Scanning my every dance move,
Aware of all my mood changes,
This obsession is at times flattering
But sometimes it is most annoying! 

Annoying, when I want to flirt with other lovers!
What a jealous lover You show Yourself to be!
Terrified by Your anger I abandon the game
Knowing You truly are the best lover at The Dance. 

Decidedly it’s my turn to lead.
Politely You step aside with a gracious bow.
It’s awkward and I stumble,
Tripping across the floor
Dragging You along.
Embarrassed, I glance at You sheepishly. 

Instead of mockery or anger,
You smile at me encouragingly
And resume the lead.
I rest my tired temples
Against Your chest,
Feeling Your heartbeat.
I sigh, “Lord, teach me.” 

Once again Your hot moist breath
Is felt on my neck as You whisper,
“I love you. You are My covenant partner.
Save the last dance for Me.”
Donations

My Wailing Wall
I sang a Song of Sadness
I wailed it by the wall
I sang a Song of Sadness
I screamed it from my soul
I sang a Song of Sadness
It welled up from within
I sang a Song of Sadness
Then healing did begin 

My Upside Down World

Nothing’s Right, Everything's wrong
I live in a world where nothing belongs
What once was round now is square
North is South, East is West
Time Cycles gone I Just can’t rest
Lynda July 1999